Protected: What I want, but not what God wants…

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Trust Me on This. -God

This word happens to be my best friend ever since I became a person. It is the only thing I can hold on to whenever I can’t do anything about any situation I had.

I learned to trust God ever since I became a Christian. This gave me strength and boldness to face every challenge I have.

Now, I deeply need this. I also need His grace to overcome this fear. I don’t know how should I call this but, it’s a fear of the future (I guess so). I want to replace this fear with faith and trust with God.I trusted God in everything I do. There’s just one thing that I trusted God but it seems like God wants me to grow there, and I keep on shunning it. I tell him that I need more time. BUT He keeps on telling me, “it’s TIME! Trust me on this!”…

I remembered Finding Nemo. I learned a lot from that movie even though I have watched that a hundred times. Dory reminded me on how God wants me to be. He wants me to be that free flowing person with a child-like spirit. I was like that before.

What happened?

I suddenly become an adult, with responsibilities and feeling mature. But I AM NOT. I don’t know why. But I am now asking God to give me that child-like spirit again. I want to regain my faith-like-a-child status. I want to be like when I first started to put my faith in Jesus. I want to trust Him now. waaa.. I’m torn.

This is what I am thinking right now. I want to obey, but I keep on thinking my present situation for my future. It just doesn’t fit. But God is constantly reminding me, “Liza, trust me on this”.

I know I can do it. I thank God for people who are helping me with this walk and reminding me what God’s word is.

I just need to obey and trust him more, just like a child.

the Happy Birthday song that made me cry

I spent this day just like an ordinary day. Although today is my birthday, I consider it a non-special day.

I went to our house in Makati and spend my time with my nephews, nieces and siblings. I bought 2 cakes: Cookies and Cream with Oreo and Smores chocolate cake from Red Ribbon. I wanted to buy candles sana, but unfortunately, there is no number 2 available at the Red Ribbon shop. Oh well, I guess I need to wait for another year.

The highlight of my day is when my nephew (Jarod Kein) doesn’t want me to go to my boarding house. He started singing happy birthday to youuu… I wanted to cry, but I kept it to myself.

JK did what I want on my birthday.

All I wish for the past years I had my birthday, I want someone to sing for me. His song may be not the perfect-pitched happy birthday, it made me cry because it comes from his heart. He wanted me to stay in our house and spend more time with him. We don’t see each other often kasi eh. Unlike when I was staying there, and my mom is still alive, they go there every weekend. Now, they just go to our house once a month or twice a quarter. So JK always tell me that he misses me every time we see each other. Take note, he is just three (3) years old.

I love my nephews and nieces. They are just little brothers and sisters to me. I wanted to stay more. I just realized that the day is not enough… How I wish I can spend a lot of time with my family. I wanted to stay more… waaaa…

Okay. this is becoming cheesy. hehe…

This feeling… Again!

I felt this feeling when my mama was hospitalized last January 2008. I was in deep mourning when my mama was lying there in the hospital feeling the pain inside her head. I even saw her eyes open for the last time and held my hand. I thought she’ll be fine, but that was the end of it all. She died after 3 days of struggling with her aneurysm in her cerebrum. In front of my family, I became a strong girl even if I was the youngest in the family. Yes, I feel the pain, but there was this unimaginable comfort in me because I am assured that she is in God’s hands. But, I do miss her. I often cry in our boarding house because I miss her badly. I won’t be boarding if she’s still alive right now. I miss the caring of a mama and her very lovable personality.

Now, I face this feeling again. My dad is diagnosed of Prostate Cancer. Well, we’re not yet sure because results aren’t released pa. I saw him today holding his tummy and the look of pain in his face, after he urinated on our CR. I wanted to cry at that very moment, but I can’t. I just smiled at him and tell him, “Pa, pagaling ka ha!”… Knowing deep inside my heart, I am praying to God for his complete healing. When we arrived on our boarding house, I immediately opened my laptop and researched about that. Well, it’s curable and there’s nothing to worry about.

So what’s my problem?

I have this feeling that it would be sooner. I lost my mom unexpectedly, and I don’t want to lose my dad that way too. As much as I wanted to stay on our house, I can’t. I need to work and earn for my tuition fee. But, now, I want to spend more time with my family. I have been away from them for almost 7 months. I don’t want my papa’s sickness be soon. I still want my papa to see me get married and look at my kids. I still want him to see them, and I also want my kids to see my papa.  That’s my faith. This feeling is really hard for me, especially now, I am on my own. I seldom go to our house. I hope I could get the time to sleep there again.

Now, I keep on praying to God. You promised. I know you are a promise keeper and you’ll let my papa see me on my wedding day and my kids as well. You promised that God, that’s what I hold on right now. Please let go this feeling, please let me have a peaceful heart tonight. I also pray for my papa’s complete healing. I pray that he can endure the pain he is going through. I pray that you heal him on whatever sickness he is feeling right now. May he get to know you more… I couldn’t say more. That’s just it.

hay…

I feel the pressure… RIGHT NOW!!!

Yeah, I can feel that too. Pressure in a very petty way. This kind of pressure irritates me. I love the pressure that has challenge, but this one (don’t get me wrong. There’s a big difference between angry and irritated), URGH!!!

Well, it starts when a thread I am regularly posting suggested that we could meet and jam. We’re kinda plenty and I get really excited. Although some of the people there are self-taught and some are just starting, it makes me want to get to know my fellow violin enthusiasts. So we planned already to meet on October 18, 2009 at Salcedo Village, Makati City c/o one of the thread posters.

I told them that I can arrange the pieces for free since it will be used for our get-together thing. So they asked me when I could send it. I gave myself a deadline, like first week of June. Unfortunately, I got my regular job and it became my priority. So I left the arrangement thing to my bf (since he doesn’t have any work)…

We recently fought because of this. I asked him if he has finished the pieces, when I checked it, it was, uh-oh! Only melody with cello parts. I wanted to arrange it sana since I am free today. I can finish 4 songs. But, he still insisted to do the songs since I assigned last month pa. But we enventually said sorry to each other because it was petty issue.

Do you know why I was provoked to scold him?

One of the thread posters there emailed and Ymed me. I’ll disclose the identity of that person because I don’t want that person to be humiliated and I still want that person to join the group. That person emailed me that I am very slow in making arrangements. I am a liar daw. I promised to send the pieces during that day and online daw sya that day. That person also left an offline message telling me to finish the pieces as if paid arrangements ang pinapagawa nya.

Asar lang ako. This pressure is petty. I hate it. I don’t like people provoking me for a petty thing and we are not even paid to do this. Of course, we’re not gold diggers, but those arrangements are made because of what we have learned and what we acquire. We can give it for free for people who are willing to receive it and use it properly. Anyway, ganito talaga ako. I need to write whatever is on my head and heart. Or less, You might see me freak out. After this, I am calm na…

Sorry for the people who may be offended after I click publish.

next week I’ll post a good blog. hehe… It was due last month, but I became really busy with my work.

A whole new world… literally!

This song rang on my ears on my way home from Cavite. I realized today is a whole new day, from a whole new world. It’s just great that God gives me opportunities to extend my arms to more people I could possibly ask or imagine. This road trip, as far as I can see, is very exciting. It gives me *kilig* moments thinking about God’s goodness in my life. I imagine this song, duet with God… awww… simply amazing.

I can show you the world
Shining, shimmering, splendid
Tell me, princess, now when did
You last let your heart decide?

I can open your eyes
Take you wonder by wonder
Over, sideways and under
On a magic carpet ride

A whole new world
A new fantastic point of view
No one to tell us no
Or where to go
Or say we’re only dreaming

A whole new world
A dazzling place I never knew
But when I’m way up here
It’s crystal clear
That now I’m in a whole new world with you
Now I’m in a whole new world with you

Unbelievable sights
Indescribable feeling
Soaring, tumbling, freewheeling
Through an endless diamond sky

A whole new world
Don’t you dare close your eyes
A hundred thousand things to see
Hold your breath – it gets better
I’m like a shooting star
I’ve come so far
I can’t go back to where I used to be

A whole new world
Every turn a surprise
With new horizons to pursue
Every moment red-letter
I’ll chase them anywhere
There’s time to spare
Let me share this whole new world with you

A whole new world
That’s where we’ll be
A thrilling chase
A wondrous place
For you and me

wow… I can’t say anything. The lyrics simply describes how I feel when God showed me my new environment, although I am on the stage of adjusting, I can feel that I will be enjoying my work this year. weee… I’m superrr happy.

Working Dilemma

I have been working since, uhm, I was born? hehe… Just kidding. I started to work as a tutor. I teach Math and English to orphans in Makati. Well, this is not a formal work since it’s just on call and they only give us love gift. I was 14 years old when I started working (informally).

The next employment I had was being a violin teacher. My friend, JM, referred me to work there. I gained a lot of experience through staying there for four years. It helped me make decisions on my own. Although there were some disadvantages. One is, parents tend to look down on me because of my age. They were wondering if I’m worth teaching their kids. Well, it made me think that I shouldn’t work because I am not on the right age. But, I realized they were wrong. Skill is not based on where you have graduated, your age, or even your looks. It’s based on your wisdom and maturity as a person in making your work excellent. The advantage for working there for four years? I got a lot of perks. I bought my kinda decent violin from them. A lot of string upgrades and other stuffs I like to buy on their store with discount.

After working there for 4 years, I have decided to work as a full-time violin teacher on a company. I learned the value of teaching and loving the students no matter who they are. I also learned the culture of Chinese-Filipinos. I realized that they are very keen with their time, and every minute counts for them. Unfortunately, I only lasted on this work for a year due to some reasons I can’t say here on the blog. (very personal)

Now, I am facing another dilemma. I will be working as a full-time Music Teacher. I will be teaching kids from Pre-school to High School. Their music doesn’t just include Violin or other instrumental class. I included on my syllabus about music history, appreciation and music theory. So this doubles my work. Plus, I will be travelling around 30KM away from Manila. The good thing is, I can work only for three days. The rest of my days are mine. weee… I’m kinda excited on this new work, but I’m also nervous. My heart is just pounding. I just need to fit in on another working environment.

I hope this working dilemma wound end after I finish my college degree. *crosses fingers*

The Music in me

Music wasn’t my life until my mama bought a casio keyboard for my sister. My older sister knows how to play (somehow) a few songs because she is a member of pianica group in our Elementary School. So I was so amazed how it (pianica or melodion) works (blow the hose and press the keys – a note will play!). I was 5 years old that time. I wanted to be like my sisters because I am the youngest. All of them are always on section one (well me too! hehe), and my ate Lala is a salutatorian. Basically, I wanted to be excellent as well. I was pushed by my family to be good, or sometimes even better than my siblings.

My mama said, I can sing in tune (i don’t know if it’s true) when I was in 3 years old. I usually sing Sharon Cuneta songs like Bituing Walang Ningning (Twinkle, twinkle little star. hehe.. just kidding), and some Geneva Cruz’s songs daw. I remember they let me sing one Christmas day in our baranggay. Okay, Christmas day is also my Mama’s birthday (almost, her birthday is December 26). So she requested me to sing Flor Contemplacion’s theme song, originally sung by her favorite artist, Nora Aunor. Well, mind you, I was 7 or 8 years old at that time. So I sang. Yes, Humiliating, but satisfying because I did something nice for my mama. (oh I miss my mama)

Anyway, my musical journey began when I joined our elementary school choir. Unfortunately, I wasn’t that good. So I got frustrated and blocked the music in me. However, my friend has a violin. Small size around 3/4 or 1/2 (I think). It’s a german violin and it looks really nice. I asked my mama if I could learn that, but, because we aren’t that rich to buy a violin or even take lessons, I consider it a dream for me. High school came (public high school). I realized my purpose in life and I became a Christian. I was attracted by the music team (the one who plays during worship services). I saw the keyboard and wanted to play that. My music started to grow again. This time, I can’t hide it because I know that I will do it for God’s glory.

I don’t know anything about notes or rhythm. I just know how to listen to a song and play the melody on the piano. When I was 14 years old, I met Kuya JM (yes, my BF – he was 17 at that time) through a friend on the church and he taught me how to play the piano. Well, he didn’t actually teach me all the things he know (because his knowledge is limited at that time, bwahahaha). He just taught me a few tips about chords and told me to memorize them. So I was able to play songs through chords. I was able to play during church worship service. Yipi! I was super happy then. I was also a member of MHS (Makati High School) Chorale and our group won on SK HImig Pasko Competition. I learned a lot during my chorale experience. 4th year HS came, I need to face another challenge – choosing a course in college. Well it’s kinda difficult for me because I love Math, English and Music. I want to be an Architect, an English Teacher, a Mathematician or Math Teacher, and Musician. Good thing I learned about Music Education. That course boils down what I really wanted – to teach and to play music.

Finally, I met the violin again. This time, I felt the urge of learning it. My batchmate at PWU knows how to play it and she taught me some tips. She said that it doesn’t cost much to buy a beginner’s violin. So I asked my mama to buy me that for my 16th birthday. I was amazed because she said YES! weee… My first violin costs 2,100PHP. Cheap huh? It’s a Cremona with super high chin rest (it’s super painful on my neck) not to mention the eeky sound it makes. Back then, that was aroma for me. A very sweet sound. (eek, eek, weenk, wenk) hehe.. Good thing we had a subject called instrumental class and the teacher is Mr. Crisancti Macazo (my violin teacher). I learned a lot. Also, that was the time I bought a new violin costs 3,000PHP, Brown Fernando violin. It has a nice sound – better than the first, not to mention a nice chin rest. So I used that violin for a year a half then I sold it.

Most of you know that I was a Voice major (once). I realized that violin is something special that I should focus on learning. So I decided to switch my major instrument from voice to violin. I made my voice as a minor (which makes my minor finished at that time.. wee!). I started formally learning the instrument at the age of 18. I was a working student. I save money so that I can buy a hand-crafted violin.

Playing the violin (for me) isn’t so hard as singing in a classical way. But, Violin playing reminds me of enduring the hardship of everyday practice to improve my fingers. Although singing requires practice, but mostly I realize that it’s a mere inner talent than a enduring process. I play the violin so that I can express more what I feel. I guess this music has kept me going because I know that it doesn’t end on playing alone. And I know that I play music not for my own glory.

Well, the music in me will keep on going. My students are my inspiration in continuing my work as a teacher-musician. Although I consider myself more as a teacher, it is inevitable that I am a musician.

Thanks for visitng my new blog. Please do visit my other sites:

YouTube: Ms. Liza’s YT Channel
Multiply: Ms. Liza’s Official Multiply Site for Violin Tutorials
Yahoo! Messenger: coronezaliza
Facebook: Liza Coroneza

The Swimmer in me

swimmer liza

I started to learn how to swim when I was, uhmm, 18 years old. Yes! haha… I started very late. I never got the chance to swim when I was younger because my mom doesn’t want me to drown. So when I got to college, I realized that we have a P.E. subject about swimming.

At first I was afraid… I was petrified… Keep thinking that I can’t swim by that time… hehe.. (singing)

Yep. I asked my friend who knows how to swim to teach me. I only got to swim through flutter kick (without my hand gliding the water – straight hand only). Then, she told me if I have the guts to join the PWU Swimming team.

Whoah! Okay. So I said yes. I don’t know why, but I have this feeling that I’ll learn how to swim through the swimming team. Although I thought, I need to compete or something. Then during the try-out, I swam on our campus 20meters wide swimming pool. (I don’t know how to turn my head so that I can get oxygen). I stop when I got to 5 feet. waaaa!!! The coach shouted at me, “WAG KA TUMIGIL”… Uhm, Did I mention that I don’t have any goggles at that time? I was super afraid. I hold onto the railings. Again, the coach told me, “HINDI KA MATUTUTO PAG HAWAK KA NG HAWAK DYAN”… Then, when I let go of the railings (7feet deep), I drowned (actually, I drowned because I had cramps while swimming). I tried my best. Good thing the coach knows how to save some pathetic loser like me.

But, I didn’t stop there. He encouraged me that I could learn to swim in 2 months because I know the basics already. I can move fast and my body is good for swimming. I also told him that I have asthma. But he said that it’s not a hindrance. If I want to swim, I will find a way. Just like the way I learned how to play the violin.

I started swimming July 2006. It’s also the time I started to have formal lessons in violin. By first week of September, I officially learned how to swim! weee… How? I practiced everyday during training schedule. The coach just let me swim and glide for 2 months. I wake up early and sometimes I go out to school at night. I was able to balance my violin practices and swimming practices. And I was happy at that time…

Then, November came. The coach told us that there will be a competition (for women) by January. At that time, my violin teacher told me that I will have my violin exam (for promotion). So I am torn between two things I love. I decided to quit the swimming team because I need to focus on my violin exam (Concerto in A minor). I told the coach that I am thankful for him because I experienced swimming with a purpose.

Swimming and Violin Playing have some similarities. If you are not relax with your swimming, you won’t sprint fast. Sprinting takes a lot of warm-ups of easy swimming and medium-fast swimming. Relaxing is the key to speed up. Just like the Violin, it takes every single day of practice to master the instrument. It won’t work overnight. It took me 5 years to be where I am right now. On swimming, it took me 2 months to learn how to swim, and 5 months to learn to sprint and swim fast (as best as I could 13second on 20meters pool – that was my best at that time). Also, I learned that swimming takes endurance to complete every lap. I was practicing endurance before I quit, I wasn’t able to master it because I decided to focus on my violin playing. Well, endurance is also the key to violin playing. Execessive notes will worn out my arm and it takes a lot of endurance to complete a 6-page Concerto. hehe… So I learned from swimming and violin playing. Good thing I learned them both at the same time. But I guess, I need to choose only one.

I got physically fit when I was swimming. I bloat when I stopped. Now, I’m trying to do that lifestyle of swimming again. That could be my work-out for this year. yipi… I was super happy that my sister has a condo in Makati with swimming pool. Although the pool is kinda small, it’s okay. As long as I can work out on my strokes ang stretch out my lungs again.

Wee…

Q: Do you know any swimming pools here in Metro Manila? Can you refer one to me? Thanks. I want to have a regular swimming schedule. hehe… Instead of going to the gym, i’ll just swim na lang.

On the Road

Last Tuesday (May 19, 2009), we went to Fairview. But before we go to Fairview, we went to QC Circle to meet my student’s mom so that she could show the way to their house. Unfortunately, we were very early. haha… So while walking around the QC Circle (near PNB), we saw a number of guys circling around the tree. We (JM and I) felt that there was a commotion going on. So we check it out.

I literally laughed out loud. Take a look:

Yan ang mechanics...

Sorry, it’s kinda big. hehe.. But, I don’t need to talk more. The mechanics says it all…

I just thought that our country is really cute. A lot of people will really try to do a lot of things to amuse people. hehe. I immediately took a photo so that I could blog it. Good thing I made this wordpress blog. yipiee!!!